Urgent! Learn to Fetch!

 

Before I even get started today I have to share a scary photo a friend passed our way.  Owner thought it was hilarious but she doesn’t really understand that  most dogs do not have my talents; very few dogs are literate.   Someone saw this truck in Montrose and forwarded the picture on with the sad sad caption “Oops wrong truck.” Imagine this poor dog’s fear when he realises where he’s going!

CAN YOU READ ME NOW?

 

Really, what kind of sadistic person would find this funny?  And I thought I knew owner so well.  Just had to get that off my chest.

We’ve been living in Telluride full time for over a year and a half now.  All in all I’d say we are settling in just fine.  It has reached the point that occasionally downtown we run into people who recognise us.   Perhaps we even have an appointment with them later in the week.  This makes us feel quite special.  One time Jesse  leaned out of an upstairs window and yelled, Hey Shasha. Unfortunately he usually thinks my name is Coco but hey I like the guy so I’ll forgive him.  Red letter day though…somebody knew we were local. This all took time but it has been so worth it. There are occasions when  I walk by the liquid signature of another dog and don’t even bother to sniff… it gets to be so “been there done that” because I already know who left it out in the open for me to notice.

Personally, dogs get to know each other much more quickly than humans do.  I bet in the first three months I pretty much had the lay of the land.  Owner on the other hand found it tough.  Humans have a huge rigamarole to get through before they make friends.   Her book club was a lifesaver.  Now the book club has also turned into a movie club.  Some members of the movie club may even join up with the “Ladies Who Think They Can Cook Even While They  Drink A  Martini” Cooking Club.  I’m not so sure how well the food will turn out but they are all bound to have a whale of a good time. They are all pretty good cooks so they better watch they don’t turn INTO whales.  However, if it keeps her happy I’m all for it.

  She has joined one club I’m not so sure about.  I’ve tried to catch curly haired’s attention so that he knows she has a weekly assignation of which he is not aware.  He never seems to be in town on Wednesday nights. She gets all excited and washes her hair and puts on a little makeup every single time the middle of the week rolls around.   She  even exchanges her gymn clothes for  some reasonably nice clothes – not her Texas nice but nice nevertheless.

But, let’s get back to this strange routine she has developed.  She always has a cup of hot tea before she leaves the house….. apparently it relaxes her and helps her do it better.   Hmmph! Loosens her up, eh? the last thing we need is a loose woman around this joint.  Curly haired I beg you….open your eyes, she’s not behaving like herself and she’s drinking so she can  cut loose.  This behaviour is out of control.

OK….so she heads out looking pretty good for owner.  She always carries a special black binder with her.  I haven’t looked inside it yet but it makes her happy and she starts humming little ditties when she looks at it.  She hums, and then she deedle deedle doo’s, and then she snaps a finger or waggles her foot.  She flips through some pages, marks it up in red…..red is the colour of love you know….suspicious, right?   She lets out a few squawks  and heads out the door. She seems to believe she is singing; trust me…when I sing the  world stops turning just to listen.  When she sings—well, to be honest, I’m just glad she’s on her way out the door.

 

Curious about me and my weekly abandonment?   Week after week it has been the same story.  I’m just left in the dark – literally!  What the hell is going on? 

If I thought she was squawking when she left the condo, you  should hear her when she returns.   She’s really got it going on by then.   She’s merrily dancing  through that binder, smiling, lah dee dahing, oooh oooohing and looking foolish. Who has she been  meeting up with?  Who has this power over her? One night while eavesdropping I heard her say,  “I’m getting better at it with altos.  Yikes!  She has NEVER headed out alone at night to meet up with Altos  and I’ve lived with her for nine years now.  Frightening scenarios flash through my brain.  Hey wait a minute, aren’t those mints? 

Tonight  is Wednesday (yes, I had to put this down in writing while it was fresh in my mind) and she came home happy as usual and singing to herself. I heard her say she must call Ulli and arrange some time for them to be alone together.    Who is Ulli?  What is an Ulli?  This is so much more serious than I thought. Oh my God, I just realised  she’s making the appointment for Monday –  oh Lord is this before curly haired gets back into town. I have to think of some way to warn him about what is going on.  I am the Guardian of the Household….self appointed but Guardian nonetheless. 

I’ve got it.   Fetching!  Practicing fetching must be on my “to do list” before Tuesday when he returns.   As soon as I see him sit on the chesterfield I’m going to fetch that little black binder and drop it in his lap. I can’t get more direct than that.

 

  Wish me luck.  Hope they stay married when he figures out what she’s been up to.  See ya later.