Help! Rescue me. Owner went crazy. I’m wandering around Texas stark naked. You can’t imagine the depth of my humiliation. My entire coat is gone…gone like the dodo bird. Mornings I wake up and feel like myself and then I look down and get shocked that I don’t look the way I feel inside my head. You know what I mean, eh? There is simply nothing left of the old me. Just so you remember…below you will find me in winter, again in Spring and here I am in bloody Texas….look at that hairline! AND she thinks I’m adorably cute now! HA! I’ll show her cute….bring out her shoes and I will make them CUTE. Done it before; I can do it again. (it involves a lot of eating, retaining, eating, retaining and then letting go with a wild decorating party if you get my drift).
As you know I was doing fine in Arizona. I actually really liked it there. Mars was a blast to hang with. His family keep ducks in their swimming pool. Why? -- no idea but we were fenced out so we couldn’t get at them…..oh we plotted, we connived but no go. Seems bizarre, true; great exercise though. Super novel idea. Mars is a great dog so I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and tell him he has one gigantic schnozz..that is dog for nose in case you didn’t know.
Next I hung with Vigo and Paia….pronounced like Pieuh but no one told me how to spell it. Vigo, of course, named for the famous Mortenson of Hollywood fame. Vigo’s owner has a thing going on; you know that thing humans get for famous actors. Paia…who knows, something to do with Mexico and a goddess. She ain’t no goddess unless she’s the goddess of War. It took a while to win her over with my charm. Eventually I won.
Now you may think Vigo, below, also has a big schnozz. Not so. Vigo has a much more wolflike manly face. Mars just has the anteater look going on and there is nothing to be done about that. Mars simply is what he is. I can’t help myself; I have to vent. Perhaps I’m worked up about Mars’ nose since he can ring a bell to tell his owner when he needs to go outside, and yes, the damn dog even knows how to shut the door after himself when he comes inside. Apparently, according to Mars’ owner I’m cute but dumb as, and I quote, shit. Who does he think writes this damn blog anyway? Whatever……Mars still has a big nose.
Back to Arizona. Wandering through the desert was a blast. I did get some sticky thing stuck in a paw once and it hurt like hell. I’ll take an ice ball any day. This little seed had about a hundred miserable #$*(% spurs on it and holy cow……nasty! I almost know what it feels like to have owner’s foot pain after my experience.
After adapting to a great life in Arizona, blue skies, warm temperatures, friendly dogs, nice places to wander and live, they uprooted me again. Back I went into the car for the most mind-numbing ride of my life. If this had been my first experience in a car I would definitely have said, “God, take me now.” However, I have had some fun times in a vehicle (read bites of burger) so forced myself to sleep for eighteen and a half hours of total driving. Of course all that sleeping was topped off with sleeping in a hotel so basically I slept for several days. Et voila…here I am in Texas NAKED!
Owner definitely has some issues. She’s not making any money so I think she plans to rent me out as a feather duster. It’s the only thing that explains my gorgeous piece of tail. There is no other reason I can think of for that blob at the end of my body. Am I expected to dust every damn plant around our neighbourhood? Perhaps I should sit and wiggle my tail back and forth over the water’s edge and use it as a bobber to catch fish? She must be having a mental breakdown to encourage this type of haircut. I tried to tell the woman at Dog’s Day Inn (also known as dog spa) that this was NOT what I had in mind – and I am actually the body attached to that damn tail – but she mustn’t speak Colorado because she just kept on snipping and fluffing and primping. They gave me a purple scarf and personally I prefer a rainbow scarf, as I am ambidextrous (isn’t that what they say) in the love department!
Anyway, if you’ve got it flaunt it so flaunt it I shall. Hey watch it! I’m pretty sure I just heard someone mumble…Dr. Seuss? See ya later.