Saturday, July 24, 2010

Nothing for nothing


Nothing fest came and went this year and we missed it. Why you ask?  Well, we were doing nothing and it kind of slipped on by. And let me just say nobody had a slip on either….they don’t call it Nothingfest for nothing. It doesn’t matter that we missed it this year because naked people pretty  much  look the same whether they took their clothes off to ride a bike  in 2009 or 2010. However, I cannot tell a lie so must let you know these photos are from last year.  As I said that night we were busy doing nothin! which if I understand the festival properly that’s what you are supposed to be doing!

Me…I’m shy.  I was so mortified when all my fur got shaved off back in May (to help me deal with the Texas heat) that I spent tons of time hiding out in the bushes. No one outright laughed at me shaved down to “nothingness” but I’m sure there were some inner giggles.  This was a difficult time in my life, heat notwithstanding.


  As for displaying my nether regions….well this is as close as you get folks.  I may not  wear underpants but I possess a tail and know how to use it. 

My memories of my mother are relatively foggy but I’m quite certain she was a modest bitch. Never were her nipples displayed to all and sundry.  She lived her life with this motto….puppy latched on equals good, puppy not latched on hide nipple. I can still hear her imparting her thoughts on nakedness.   Nothingfest therefore is a time for me to try and have some good fur growth going on…modesty outranks comfort during our July heatwaves.

Even if you discount the naked thing – I would look  absolutely ridiculous on a bike.  I don’t fit in the basket;I’m incapable of steering;  I can’t hang on from behind; and I refuse to ride in a baby carrier.  Luckily for me neither owner or curly-haired has ever expressed interest in us joining the festivities. (phewf!)

That being said it is fun living in a town where people can let their hair down.  Lady Godiva is the fashion statement of many of the womenfolk.


The problem with the naked bike riders is you never know when they are going to show up. Last year it was close to dusk; this year it was just after 7 p.m.  (another reason we missed them sailing down Main Street.)   I guess this time the group wasn’t shy or they just got liquored up a little earlier than usual?

  People start to line the streets just like they do for the July 4th parade. Other dogs come to town to shake their head in complete confusion. None of us understand this desire to parade nakedly down the street, but we sure get a kick out of it.  There are always those people in attendance who are horrified or shocked that this event is taking place….hey folks, if you don’t like it, don’t line up and definitely don’t look. No one hogties you to a telephone pole and forces you to take part. That’s just my opinion but, come on, please don’t look AND complain.


Anticipation gathers.  A few “clothed” riders circle around. I’m never completely sure but think perhaps their job is to  let the “unclothed” know if the gathered crowd is appropriately large and appreciative.  The “in the know” locals  come to town early and settle in at a Telluride bar or restaurant and  wait for the riders to appear.  The riders AND the crowd, in many instances, are well lubricated.



P1010570   Suddenly  you hear, “here they come!” and “come they do.”  They race by. Some have backpacks on, others have decorated their heads with crowns, feather boas float lightly in the wind as the riders race by. Everyone waves and yells and cheers.  Suddenly it is over for another year. The sun begins to set and everyone heads home.  While chuP1010576ckling to themselves, many attendees ponder  how many shots does it take to get up the courage to participate in the yearly event.  Luckily I don’t drink!



For me, it is a time to reflect on how ridiculous it is to be bent out of shape with my buzz cut hair do.  I can cope. And may I add, sometimes it is the  silly and fun little events like this that make me happy I’m a dog who gets out and about.  Because this sure as hell ain’t happening in  The Woodlands, TX!  See ya later.


No comments: