Before I move forward, let me announce that Don Juan (the lover) found a forever home on Valentine’s Day. How appropriate is that? Owner received a nice note from his new owner. I saw tears.
Because you care I’ll share that I got some wet dog food to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Loved it.
Benj came home to ski with us this week and it was a long trip to get him here so I’ve just been hanging out with him and not doing blog plotting. Then we had two old friends of owner show up for most of the week so that held me up again. Also it is the Winter Olympics in owner and curly-haired’s home country so I couldn’t even get on the computer – they are trying to stream CTV live so they can have the Canadian commentators – no offence everyone. They just like it that way.
Today you get a special treat. A friend, Canadian of course, forwarded a newspaper article to us about Canada. Owner thought it was cute and thought you might all enjoy it so begged me to bend my rules. I wish I had written this but I have never lived in Canada, so I would have no idea what to say. I’m a Texas born dog who is delighted to be living in Colorado…that’s as far as it goes. This Rick Reilly with ESPN Magazine…is a funny guy. Wish we had some Timbits and a double double to go with the article. I’d share them with you. (all photos and extra comments are ours, you’ll know).
Oh, Canada
A guide to thriving in Vancouver, one smile at a time
By Rick Reilly
ESPN The Magazine
Archive
Crazy Canadians need to be treated kindly, too.
It's always so cute when Canada hosts an Olympics. Canadians try so hard. This comes from living next to America and having an inferiority complex worse than Tito Jackson's.
For instance, it's rained every day I've been in Vancouver, athletes are starting to withdraw because of pruny fingers, and Canadians feel terrible. They're always saying "Gee, sore-ee about the rain, eh?" Do you realize they've been helicoptering snow up to the mountain venues? Who does that?
These people are nice. Preposterously nice. Aunt Bee in mukluks nice. This is a country that has human-chomping grizzlies on every corner and yet chose the furry beaver for its national animal.
Here's how nice: Twice already, Canadian mogul star Jenn Heil's bus has broken down on the drive up from Vancouver to Cypress Mountain. And both buses were from California! Peter Judge of the Canadian Freestyle Ski Association was quoted as saying after the second time: "It was a bit of a concern." A "bit of a concern"? If it had happened to an American star, they'd have made everybody responsible stand against a wall in front of a running 2010 Prius.
Anyway, I think Americans who come to these Winter Olympics should try to be nice back. You can't be nicer than Canadians, but you can try. Here's how:
• Do not talk about hockey. A Canadian team has not won the Stanley Cup in 17 years. This is possibly because there are no more Canadian hockey teams left. OK, that's not true. Still, if Canada doesn't win the gold in men's hockey this time -- something it's only done once since 1952 -- fans here might all throw themselves under stampeding moose.
• Use the "organics" recycling container in your hotel room. This is one of 14 recycling containers you'll find there. The mind recoils as to what you're supposed to put in the "organics" can in a hotel room, but the little sign says to put "meat, poultry, fish, plants and flowers." That's weird. I always leave my poultry in a gift bag for the maid.
• Speak Canadian. ATMs are ABMs. Street hockey is "shinny." Butt is "arse." Beer is "brew." Stuff is "whatnot." Newfoundlanders are "Newfies." Never say the "g" in "ing." And yay is not a cheer, it's a measurement, as in: "I'm lookin' for my malamute, about yay big and yay long?"
• Call Vancouver "Van City" or even "The Van" but do not call it the name it hates: "No Fun City." It IS a fun city, except that a lot of the bars close at 11. In the morning.
• And it apparently NEVER STOPS RAINING.
• Use abbreviated words whenever possible. For instance, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police becomes the "RCMP," which becomes "the Armsee," as in the sentence: "I sure hope Bode Miller doesn't get pinched by the Armsees this Olympics. I got 10 Loonies on him."
• Abbreviate your new friends' names, too. Hamilton becomes "Hams." If your friend's name is already short, add "er" to it. This is how you get a sentence like, "Let's go play some shinny, eh? You be Gretz and I'll be Nasher."
• Compliment their national anthem. It's way better than ours.
• Pretend that you have to plug in your engine block at night to keep it from freezing, too. Makes them feel better.
• Go to Tim's (short for "Tim Hortons") 
and have a double-double (two creams, two sugars) and some Timbits (donut holes) and stand around and talk about curling. This will be a welcome topic. The Canadians are still great at curling.
You: The boys oughta do priddy good, eh?
Him: Oh, sure. The sweeps are beauties.
You: You thinkin' they might be winnin' and whatnot, eh?
Him: Boy, would that ever be neat!
(just an aside here but owner’s dad, Bill Grozelle represented Northern Ontario in the Canadian curling championships (Labatt’s Brier at that time) in 1967 and 1968 – she’s very proud.)
• When referring to Elvis, be sure its Stojko not Presley. If you're talking about acting, don't forget the god of all Canadian thespians -- Lorne Greene from "Bonanza." If your birthday is August 9, always look at the ground, shake your head and add, "The day Wayne was traded."
• Never say "said." Say "goes," as in: "So Lindsey goes, 'I'm freezin' way up here in just a bikini.' And I go, 'Linds, it's a bitchin' career move!' And she goes, 'K, but it's colder 'n a Newfie's arse up here!'"
• If you're a snowboarder and you snap your neck in three places doing your Double Fakie Ollie Grab and they're putting you in the ambulance, smile and go, "It's fine! Canada's got free health care!"
But if those bastards say anything about their dollar being worth more than ours, slam them in the nose with your organics can.
Alexandre Bilodeau -- Gold Melalist – Men’s Moguls (that’s AlexanDRE by the way, not DER!)
Jen Heil – Silver Medalist Women’s Moguls
Now…you are all free to roam about the cabin as you zoom up to Vancouver….a city of incredible beauty, British accents, and the best Asian food you will find outside of Asia. Check it out….you’re goin to love it now that you have the lingo down. It’s fine to brown nose so you use the proper expressions and as soon as you can say Bob’syeruncle….you’ll be mistaken for a Canajun! Happy Olympics! See ya later.
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