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I cannot tell a lie. I’m not wildly adventurous. Lying on my mat with a bone, as I told you, can be a huge highlight of my day. Hiking….sure, love it….but don’t want to meet a bear or a mountain lion or whatever the heck lives out there in the wilderness. Want to hike up, hike down, have a few sips of water, maybe a snack, come home and sleep. You don’t see me out carousing at parties acting all wild and crazy; I don’t have the Planet dropping by to see how I enjoyed paragliding off Ajax Peak. Nope, I’m a patio girl now that I’m aged.
This is my way of telling you that I knew owner was up to no good when she begged me to accompany her to our back yard. You need yaktrax just to step through the doorway. Apollo Ohno could train on our back cement slab…well, it’s tiny but it is sure as heck icy! Actually, it is also melting on top so you can skate and drink at the same time. Really a phenomenal concept when you think about it.
Owner dragged me outside to see a bush that hovers by our door year in and year out. Why the thing hasn’t died I have no idea. We don’t do anything to help it grow; I pee on it to try and kill it whenever I can, Don the foster dog ate some of it…but it continues to hang in there. Now it has coated itself in armour. Surely to God it should have frozen itself to death this winter. Here’s hoping it won’t be out there annoying me when summer rolls around.
Does this look like any bush you have ever seen before? Every year it goes through this metamorphosis. This is the cocoon stage but it never turns into a butterfly.
It looks as though a dog got frozen under there. I can see his ears. This photograph is bound to give me nightmares.
Anyway, we went out, took some photos and then realised we were locked outside. Do you know how deep the snow is in untrampled areas around this town. DEEP is how deep. Now we were locked out with owner in her long underwear and Uggs and I in my trusty fur coat. Luckily for us some nice guys had been by recently to remove all the snow from our roof, all the deadly killer eight-foot icicles, so we didn’t have to worry about being annihilated by a roof avalanche. It could happen. Now, however, we had to figure out how to get through that snow. First I did my beaver imitation, flattening my tail to give extra purchase to scramble on top of the hard-crusted areas. Let me tell you I was not impressed at all with owner’s smarts.
Next I sank several few times. Slithered along the top, used the foot prints of the ice remover boys…but their legs are way longer than mine so that didn’t help much. Got my skunk on with my tail.
Struggled to breathe and then finally made it to the equivalent of a bejewelled desert island, oasis, Taj Mahal of the back yard, whatever you want to call it….I made it there. Peed just to let owner know I was pissed off. Rested. Ignored her calls to “come” and “let’s go inside.” No owner, you got us into this mess so we are going at my damn pace.
Plus, have you had a good look at my coat. Good Lord I need a grooming. All this wet snow, spring like weather, cold weather, deep fluffy snow, mud, puddles, more snow, hiking through over- my-head drifts is wreaking havoc with my pelt. Luckily I’m headed to Wash-n-Watch Dogs during The Iditarod holiday. I look like hell. My feet look like Dr. Seuss creations!
Finally, we got back to civilisation. I refuse to head out back with her again until it is really spring time. I’ll pay her back for this jaunt and have my way with some mud, perhaps roll on a dead mouse……gee that sounds heavenly. See ya later.